This week has been rough, to put it mildly. We've been exceptionally busy and i've felt out of control most of the week. Being the emotional eater that i am, i turned to food. I convinced myself that a bite here and a bite there of the wrong foods couldn't make such a difference. That was, until i went to see the dietitian this morning. As it turns out, a few days of bad choices can completely bugger up 2 weeks worth of hard work. It made me question whether the 4h30 starts and stiff muscles were worth it.
My dietitian has a very clever scale that not only weighs you but can measure your body fat % as well as your msucle mass. According to her scale my weight has stayed the same over the 3 weeks since i last saw her. The shocking part for me was that my body fat % has increased and my muscle mass decreased - how on earth it that possible when i am more active than i have been in years!?!? My first instinct was to head straight to the shop and inhale a chocolate to make myself feel "better". Luckily, my little girl fell asleep in that car on the way home from the dietitian, so i couldn't stop at the shop.
Instead of eating, i decided to rather look at why i started this journey in the first place and remind myself that the blood, sweat and tears are worth the end results.
1. I started this journey for my children.
I want to be a better mom. A mom who can play with them without having to catch her breath every few steps. A mom that takes them to the beach without feeling embarrassed about herself. I want to be the kind of mom that doesn't embarrass them because she's so fat. I want to set a good example for them that a healthy, active lifestyle is far better than watching tv and eating junk food. I want to teach them healthy habits from an early age. I want to be around to see them graduate from school, varsity, get married and i want to meet (and play with) my grandchildren one day.
2. I started this journey for my husband.
He married a "blom" and now, eight years down the line, he is with a "vetplant". I am a very lucky lady because he assures me that my outward appearance does not bug him and that he loves me all the same, but i want to be desirable to him. I want him to be proud of me and what i have achieved.
3. I started this journey for myself.
I have always been the fat kid for as long as i can remember. I have never been athletic or skinny. I want to prove to myself that i can complete this journey and that i am so much more than "just a mother" and a wife. I want to prove the nay-sayers wrong! I want to inspire others to follow in my footsteps. One of my passions is fashion and yet i cannot shop for clothes at a normal shop. I want to burn my mom-jeans and buy a pair of Levis when i am done!
4. I started this journey for the health benefits.
I am grossly overweight. I am uncomfotable in my own skin. My cholesterol is up which increases my risk of heart disease and strokes. My insulin levers are up, which increases my chance of developing diabetes. I dont want to have to take a hand full of pills every day in order to survive. I NEED to change these things with diet and exercise.
So, i will stop feeling sorry for myself! No more excuses. Yes, a few days of bad choices can ruine 2 weeks of hard work. I need to pull myself towards myself. Get up, dust myself off and start again. No one can do the hard work for me....i need to realise that there are no quick fixes. It took me 13 years to gain all this excess weight and it's not going to disappear overnight. It takes hard work and dedication and the results will be totally worth it. So, chin up and soldier on!
Until next time,
XX-L
