As a stay at home mom (SAHM), I was quite judgemental of how some working moms did things or how they raised their children. How could any mom stand to be away from her small children for up to 12 hours a day? How could they entrust those little beings into someone elses care? It's easy to look at those working moms from the comfort of your home and judge them....until you become one of them.
After being at home with my children for 5 years and 8 months (to the day), it was time for me to return to the work force and I got a taste of what a mom who works full time outside of the home's life is like. Now, after a year on the other side of the fence, I can honestly say that I have experienced the good and the bad of both being a SAHM as well as being a working mom.
As a working mom you can establish yourself as a separate entity. I am no longer just Master J or Miss E's mom, I am Lieshen, the accounts administrator. I have a mission to compete each day. I know, raising my children is one of my greatest missions in life...but it is also nice to be defined as something else other than "just a mom". I have a purpose to fulfil outside of the home, beside being a 24 hour maid, jungle gym, referee, councillor....although as a working mom, when you get home, you are still all of these things.
I can contribute financially to my family. That was always one of my biggest "gripes" as a SAHM. I hated having to ask my husband if I could buy this or do that. Now, I earn my own salary, and although we don't differentiate between "yours and mine", it is nice to know that I am able to pay for all my children's extra mural activities from my salary.
One of the biggest perks for me, after being at home with the kids, was the novelty of having a whole hour lunch break all to myself. To do with whatever I pleased. I will admit to having grand designs at the beginning of going for manicures and pedicures or a massage every so often, until
I realised that a) most of these treatments take 60min or longer and b) ones salary doesn't last very long when indulging in such things. So, I have settled for enjoying a hot, quiet cup of coffee at a nice coffee shop occasionally or being able to do a quick grocery shop on my own. And, of course, the ultimate bonus of being a working mom after being a SAHM: I get to enjoy a loo break, unaccompanied with no audience.
However, being away from my children also has many down sides. I have a long commute into work each morning, so leave really early and only get home quite late. This time sitting in traffic could be used for so many better things like doing that pile of laundry, helping one of my kiddos with something or just playing Lego with them.
Our morning and evening routines are one big rush to get everyone fed and dressed and off to school or to get the little ones bathed and into bed before it's too late. Often as a working mom, I only see the worst of my children - the tired, moany ones I deal with during crisis hour in the evenings. The people who spend time with them at school or creche are the ones that see my happy children.
As a mom of a school going child, I have also missed certain school related activities. A perfect example would be today: Master J's school has a termly "Time out afternoon" when all the children finish school early and there are no extra mural activities that afternoon. Parents are encouraged to take the afternoon off work and spend time together as a family doing something fun...and preferably device free. I think it's a fabulous initiative. However, neither the husband nor I could get the afternoon off, so Master J went to aftercare as normal. The school organised a special afternoon for the children whose parents couldn't fetch them early. But, when Auntie Puppy got to school at 4pm to fetch him, he was only one of two kids left at school. I felt TERRIBLE to say the least....
It has been Master J's first year at his new school and because of my working hours I have not been able to do much of the school run in the mornings or collecting in the afternoons. Due to this, I have also not gotten to know many of the moms from his class or the children (his friends) in his class.
Children get sick. Usually on a Monday or Friday. So, often you feel conflicted about taking time off work because what if your boss (who has no children) thinks you're a slacker? But you can't and don't want to leave your sick baby in the care of someone else. You only get 3 days of compassionate leave a year and we all know most children get sick more than 3 times a year!
And then there is that occasion when your child needs you, his mom. In our case, it's been the "diagnosis" or Master J's lazy left eye, which needs eye therapy weekly and daily eye exercises. As well as having to start occupational therapy with him again for his sensory integration disorder and to try to give him the best possible start to Grade 1 next year. As a mom, I want to be "hands on", but with the work and commuting putting severe time constraints on my day, it is nearly impossible and I've had to reply on other people (to whom I'll be eternally grateful) to fetch and carry him to therapy and do his exercises with him.
As a parent my biggest responsibility is to raise my child to be the best person he can be and to become the person God intended him to be. This has led me to decide to leave the work force and to become a stay at home mom once again. To put my selfish desires to one side for the benefit of my children. So as from 1 October I will be fulfilling my role as SAHM once more. This time with a better understanding of what a working mom's life is like and a greater appreciation for the time I get to spend with my children while they are still young.
XX-L
